Tuesday, February 8, 2011

"Have You Been Touched" The Conversation We Should Have with our Kids

Ok, people, let's be honest here?  How many of you have actually sat down with your kids and asked them the one question many parents fear asking, "have you been touched?"  It's a conversation that we all should have with our kids because nowadays we have to be more careful with our kids than we ever have. 

In new relationships, what do you think is the appropriate time to have your kids meet someone new?  Some say six months to a year after they start dating them, and some will say a year to two years, where there are the idiots who will say they don't have a time period before bringing someone new into the home.  I'm sorry, but I have a daughter who is 16 now and if my boyfriend and I were to ever break up for any reason (we've been together 15 years now) but nobody else is coming into my household whether or not she was still in the house or not.  It just doesn't make sense to put our kids through that kind of drama of introducing them to someone you barely even know.  It's dangerous and it's irresponsible.

Let's take it one step even further, nowadays you have to watch everyone you bring around your children.  You have to watch the teachers at school, bus drivers, people at the store...you have to be mindful of everyone your children are surrounded by.  We dont' live in the kind of world where we can leave our kids with anyone and not expect something to happen while we're away.  We can't leave our children with just anyone who would be deemed as a complete stranger.  Even baby sitters and nannies can't be trusted regardless of who they are.

My thing is if I can't take my child with me, then I just don't go -- that would be if my mother couldn't watch her or if my boyfriend wasn't planning on being at home.  There's no point in me jeopardizing her life just to satisfy my own needs.  I'm not going to leave her in the house all hours of the night while I'm out doing my thing, that just asking for trouble because people are watching you when you least expect them to be watching, and they tend to know your every move, hence stalkers, preditors and psycho paths.

Bottom line, if you can prevent an incident from occurring, don't put your kids in that kind of situation.  And if you suspect something's happened just in the change of their attitude, get down to the bottom of it right away.  Confront them, ask them questions, find out what wrong with them.  If they tell you, don't take sides other than your kid's side.  Don't treat it as if it were their fault.  Because trust me, no relationship is worth holding on to when your kids have been harmed in any kind of way by those you trusted would never bring harm against your kids.  But you'd be surprised at how many mothers will take the word of their man or whomever else over their kids just to save the relationship.  Why?

Love your kids.  Talk to your kids.  They are never too old or too you to address the issue.  It is what it is and when they know you've got their back, they are going to be open and honest with you.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Free Contreception for Women in the USA

There's an article going around stating that contraception could be free under the new health care law.  In this article, there was one particular statement that really stuck out.  Dr. Jeffrey Peipert a principal investigator on the study states, "the shift we need to see in the United States is a shift away from methods like the pill and condoms to the most effective methods, like implants and IUDs." Obviously he's not been in the kinds of situations that women face every single day.  He goes on to say that if someone is willing to pay for it only then will we be able to see that shift.

The Catholic Church doesn't see birth control as a preventive medicine, but more as a lifestyle choice.  Which only says to me that they wouldn't be willing to agree with making contreception available at reduced/no cost fee to women.  My only problem with that is why would the Church -- or any church regardless of religion -- be so inclined to make themselves a part of such a major decision involving a woman's right to choose. 

If we take a look at a woman who is more involved with career  than planning a family, I would think having birth control options available to her covered under her medical health plan would be ideal.  Even married or unmarried couples -- with available birth control options -- can see an opportunity to avoid an unplanned pregnancy especially if the timing just wasn't right.  

We can begin to foster the rights women deserve in having birth control available to them covered under their medical health plans.  The decision shouldn't be something that is argumentative, but rather given great consideration without further thinking through whether or not it is a necessity.  If you really wanted to be that choicy about it, what exactly does the new health law offer?  To be honest about it, I've seen nothing but increased premiums across the board.  My new Cigna health plan removed the hospital stay coverage going from $0 dollars to $500 per stay out of pocket, and happily compares that to a vacation stay at a hospital.  Excuse me, but there is no comparison.

Yes, I believe there can be a shift in lowing the rate of unplanned pregnancies.  And I believe that revolutionizing the birth control industry to move in that direction is vital.  If it is used consistently and correctly and the cost factor is removed, then yeah, we can begin to see a change.  How dramatic a chance we will see can only be governed by an over-time factor because the rate reduction will not be noticeable right away.

We are still stuck in the reality where these decisions have to have a Government ruling.  It's still the Government telling women what they can and cannot do, and what is and is not right for them.  These so called advocating groups have no compassion protesting against a woman's right to choose.  My whole thing is this, say a woman is raped and becomes pregnant, and was never on any kind of birth control for whatever reasons. Should be forced to keep a child conceived out of rape? Or does she have the right to abort that child?  Does she have the right to give it up for adoption? One would think the decision is all hers.  Whether we restrict the available funds to use to operate these clinical resources to be made available to women, it does not solve the problem.  Whereas you make birth control available to women regardless of their lifestyle, and we can probably see a shift in this area, too.

To me the whole process is going to be treated with a double edged sword because there really isn't going to be no right or wrong answers here as long as Government holds the floor.  I'd be interested in hearing the panel discussions and the arguments that are going to be delivered in favor of this cause.

Parents of sexually active daughters face the harsh reality of determining at what age should they put their daughter(s) on birth control methods. Let's keep in mind that long-term use can create other health issues, not limited to, fibroid tumors. And there's the whole market of deciding which birth control method is the right one to use, especially with all these birth control options that seem to keep popping up every where you look around.

If I were in the senate I would vote to go forward with offering free/no cost or reduced rates birth control pills covered under medical health plans. The Catholic Church should have absolutely no say in this matter because they are a bunch of screwed up individuals anyway who want to control women rights anyway, so to hell with them -- and I'm not speaking against the Church as a whole, but at some point Church has no functioning power of a woman's deciding right to pregnancy, whether she aborts that child or gives it up for adoption, or keeps it. A woman's right is what it is. A woman's right. Take a woman's right and what do you have? One problem after another.

Let there be a fair decision, and for once and for all, Government and Church regardless of religion should have no say in a woman's right.  But this is just my opinion.  You can read the entire article by going to Yahoo News and post your comments.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Media Exploitation of Body Image

It seems to me that the media has a lot to do with how women view themselves.  And it doesn't make things any better when some men play up the stereotype.  Sex appeal continues to heat up the advertising, promotion and marketing circuits because it's what sells particular items (i.e., perfume, jeans, fast food, etc.), and the image that portrays these elements of selling products leaves a visual impact that often has a negative affect.  When disorders become a factor to being thin is the new fat it becomes a serious health issue because girls and women regardless of age are trying to live up to the standards and the idea of "the perfect woman."  But let's stop and realize that there is no such thing as the perfect woman.  The strive to be thin can be both a positive and negative venture, and to some extent it weighs heavy on the minds of those who ultimately become obsessed.  Is it worth the ordeal overall?

Truth is some women can go their whole entire life thin and never suffer weight issues.  Celebrities who start thin, have children, gain weight, get thin again do so because they can afford trainers to help them keep their reputation and persona as being thin and beautiful.  Whereas every day folk have to really work at maintaining a certain weight and keeping their metabolism in check...like me!

To date organizations have been formed to specifically work with and help young girls fight the temptation of thinking they have to look a certain way in order to be accepted into society. Girls for a Change is one such organization.  "Girls For A Change (GFC) is a national organization that empowers thousands of teen girls to create and lead social change. GFC provides girls with professional female role models, leadership training and the inspiration to work together in teams to solve persistent societal problems in their communities. Explore our web site to learn more about how you can join our movement and how girls are transforming our world--and reinventing girl culture--through GFC!" 

Other areas where body image plays a factor is within self-esteem issues, with the clothes we wear, moving in to the food we eat, what our body type is -- just in how we look overall.  The ongoing competition to fit into a society based on what the media depicts, how stereotypes define today's woman, and what we're brainwashed into believing. 

Life is not supposed to be burdened with looks, sex appeal, and whether or not you have the "it" factor.  If women of all ages cannot love the skin we're in, it would probably be safe to say that a good majority of us are suicidal, if not homicidal.  We shouldn't be judged by how we look in our clothes, how fat or how thin we are, what we eat, how much money we spend on clothes, where we buy our shoes.  None of that should have any deciding factors in who we are.  We shouldn't try to be someone we're not, living beyond our means because we're trying to make an inflated statement that is as dismal as a repossession of your soul.

We spend too much time crying over how the media depicts image, as if to say, "it's telling me how I'm supposed to look," thus putting you in competition with yourself and others around you.  Why??? I simply say, (1) losing weight should be a choice not a requirement (unless it's health related), (2) the media should not decide who you should be, how you should look, or where you should go in life, (3) seriously, clothes really do not make the person contrary to what you may have heard or think you know, (4) trying to be someone that you're not based on media exploits only says you can't decide for yourself who you are or who you want to be, (5) money is the root of all evil.  It can destroy you and those around you.  You don't have to buy what media, advertisements and marketing promotions tell you. Use your mind, think for yourself, save, and you'll be happier in the end; (6) love yourself from within, this includes embracing who you are, and (7) only you can live your life to the fullest.  Don't live it based on materialistic factors.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Saving the Land of the Hollywood Sign

The "Hollywood" sign is a national landmark and, therefore, the land it's on and that which surrounds it should be saved. Period! To force any unnecessary building around it would take away from its true authenticity, and would eventually make it more mediocre. It should have never come under scrutiny of entertaining the idea to ever sale the land to anyone for any purpose.

Wasn't there some discussion years ago about selling it? Or even tearing down the sign completely? I can't remember exactly, but I just think people who are land developers both commercial and residential, with tons of money, seem to have way too much time on their hands to want to destroy what California is the home of today. I honestly don't believe that Californians would let evil money mongers take away what is known to be a part of our history.

Do I think temporarily changing the sign to say, "Save the Peak," was a good idea? Of course I do and I'm glad there are those advocates out there with big enough balls to take such a stand. It just continues to prove that although us Californians may be silent in some things, but when we need to stand up and fight, we have a voice louder than thunder. Believe that.

I am happy that a deal will eventually be reached to save the land.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Being Invisible

This is something that seems to have been plaguing me for a long time.  And it's finally gotten to the point to where I was actually worried about what he thinks about my looks, how I look in clothes, my performance in bed...and even whether or not he's got someone on the side.  I guess my insecurities have surfaced again, so the reason why I am writing this blog is because I want to know if I am the only one who feels invisible in a relationship.  It's like no matter what I do to improve on myself, I get no recognition.  And asking him if he notices me would probably make me seem outright insecure. So what other options do I have?  Now, I'll tell you who does notice me, it's the perverts who have nothing better else to do but drive around picking up women, old men, men at gas stations, and men in the grocery.  Not my idea of being noticed, but I'm noticed all the same.

My mother always says that if a man doesn't notice anything you do at home and doesn't spend time taking you out, and doesn't treat you like his queen, it's obvious that his attention has been turned elsewhere and he's embarrassed by you for some reason or another.  I don't want to believe that this is where we are, but the more I look at it and think about, that's exactly the way it seems.  He won't have lunch with me at work, we don't go out dancing, we don't go to dinner, we don't have any memories we can actually share together and that probably bothers me the most.  He will hang out with his friends or travel with them before he does with me -- he's even told me so.  We don't take pictures together, we don't go out just to be going out on our excursions, and we don't play games any more. 

I don't feel like I'm at the top of the list with him, and I don't want to jump to drastic conclusions, but I will not be ignored, rejected, or made to feel mediocre, especially not in 2010.  Sex is on his time.  And I make all the sacrifices just to keep everyone happy and comfortable.  He'll take days off for himself, but never for me, except for when I had my surgery.  Like New Year's Eve, he won't take the night off to take me out, and I don't even think he wants to ring in the new year with me otherwise he'd make just as much of a fuss about it as I am.  I showed him the dress I was planning to wear if we were going together, he said, "you can't wear it again when we go out?"  That's just it...when does he plan to take me out?  He prefers sitting on the damn sofa watching TV, being on his laptop, playing with his phone, or outside working on his motorcycle.  Things that get more attention than I do.  Am I supposed to settle for this kind of life?

So this is why I feel like I'm invisible.  Everything is done on his time.  He notices me whenever he wants, and does with me whatever he chooses; it's mostly like I'm on the backburner of his mind left there until he decides I exist, and it's been feeling like that for quite some time.

Thing is, ladies, why should I feel like this?  Why would I need to beg for his time and attention?  I don't need it.  2010 is my turn.  It's going to be all about me.  And I hope that it's a good year for us, otherwise I'll be flying solo.

The Rules to Marriage Have Changed, Pt. 2

Obviously we are forgetting or have forgotten the importance and value of true love and the honor of relationships.  Fools are rushing in to situations they know absolutely nothing about and when they go astray, they quickly look for someone to blame.  It puzzles me how people think they know so much about someone when the truth to the matter is they don't.  And what's also amazing is how people get married after only being together for weeks and barely months, and call it love.  It's fool's love, that's what it is, and the only way to truly know someone is to spenda good amount of time with that person, then and only then you'll know if that person is right for you. 

A person going into marriage knowing that their significant other is not compatible to them is the biggest mistake anyone can make.  If you know he or she has a problem with cheating, lying, stealing, alcoholism, drugs, staying out of jail, gangbanging -- these are significant signs that perhaps you should run the other direction.  Marrying into these types of elements can prove fatal later on and can ultimately destroy any real chances you may have for a prosperous future.

Ok, so you love him/her, but in the end, what will have it brought you with all of the problems you've experienced?  If there have been one lie after another as to where he/she has been, doing, living, etc., do you really think that marrying this person is going to change them?  Better yet, do you think bringing a child into the picture is going to make things work between you?  It's practically done everyday and no one is looking at the real picture as to why the problems persist.

She has been with him for a little over ten years.  She loves him dearly, enough to have put up with every kind of problem she can imagine, including suspicions of him being with other women.  Out of the ten years she's been with him, she's been married to him for the past three years and is finding that nothing has really changed, except the fights have escalated, the arguments have increased, the excuses have become more creative, the distrust has risen, and she's finding that spending time with an old flame brings no regrets.  At the same time she loves her husband...willing to go through the bullshit as long as she can, wanting to believe everything he says, even when he tells her, "no, I'm not sleeping with her, she just gives me money for what I sell."  To want to believe her marriage can be saved, she's convinced herself that having another baby is going to make things between them more stable and put their marriage on solid grounds.  Their incoming income is very little, barely enough to sustain them throughout the month, and yet she's lead herself to believe that she needs to be home as much as possible to convince him of her love and support for him even though he's beginning to stay out late nights, not come home sometimes, and fails to call to let her know of his whereabouts.  And when she talks to others about the situations at home, surprisingly she has excuses for every thing he does, including the fights and arguments they have.  Is this marriage worth saving?

Ok, so let's look at the obvious here, they fight and argue, they have little to no income, he stays out and often doesn't come home, he doesn't call, he lies, does this sound like a healthy marriage?  Even after being with him seven years prior to marrying him, the signs were there that it would be a mistake getting into a union that doesn't prove healthy in any instance.  I've been through a marriage that held nothing but one argument after another, one fight after another -- where I had to make excuses for everything he did just to not appear weak in everyone else's eyes.  Where I had to maintain a house and home while he spent his money on other people, material things, drugs, and alcohol; entertained people while I rolled pennies just to buy pampers and formula because I had just paid all of the bills and rent.  It was an eye opening experience after a while and with a baby, I finally had to make up my mind that this relationship wasn't going to work.  I was putting in more than he was and basically was a husband whenever someone else brought it to his attention that he was slacking off.

But you know what, it's lessons in life that we all have to learn at some point.  Marriage is not a matter of convenience to the other person or to each other.  It's not just about sex and money.  If you can't put the real value into why two people get married, it's all a complete waste of time.  And if the only reason why you get married is to enjoy the pleasures of cheating, think of who you are hurting in the process.

Monday, December 21, 2009

The Rules to Marriage Have Changed, Pt. 1

It seems that over the past few decades the rules to marriage are continuing to change with the demands of lifestyle trends set no longer catering to compatibility, financial stability, security and emotional dwelling, but on blind love and tolerances that are expanded and stretched beyond one's own ability to cope.  Are women getting married just for the sake of saying, "I have a husband?"  And are willing to put up with any and everything thrown their way including adultery and babies born to wome outside of the marriage?  One would think this is the sad case marriage has been driven to, and the men who carelessly play on the love and affection of women just to say they have somewhere to lay their head at night, as long as they throw a few dollars their way.

Is it worth getting married to someone you fight with day in and day out with; go through one argument after another, and live in near poverty just to keep up with a man who's really going nowhere but dragging you to the poor house while he's being taken care of by someone you know is out there?  It just continues to make me wonder why this is the case...a new reality that seems to be plaguing women, young and old, from all walks of life.  And what's sad, too, is some of these men don't want to hook up with a woman who is not stable in her own self, meaning, she has to be taking care of herself with her means of employment, have her own car, her own place, and the means to buy her own things.  I keep talking about how poor the economy is, but think about it, a man is not going for a woman who has nothing going for herself, and is simply looking for someone to give to and do for her.  She's simply another bill he just can't afford.

What's interesting to me is, while the rules to marriage are continuing to change, some women have it made up in their minds that well, if I have a baby for him, things will get better.  Obviously they are living in a LA-LA-LA-Land dream state of thinking that they've gotten so caught up in wanting to make the marriage that they are willing to make unnecessary sacrifices to just to keep the man who's doing them wrong every which kind of way.  And it's worse if they are not working and do not have a solid income coming in, this only means that they're only recourse is to get on welfare and have the county and tax payer's dollars pay for these children.

What I think some of these blindsided women should do is wake up to real reality.  That term, "I can do bad by myself," actually has a lot of truth behind that only so many women recognize and will tell you quick, "I don't need nobody broker than me."  And that statement is certainly getting its rounds as there are those women who have woken up to realize if he's not living up to his end of the bargain as being husband, she's got no time to waste on waiting for him to make up his mind.  Giving a man an ultimatum will only make him do one or two things...he's either going to pack his crap and get to stepping, or he's going to do a 180 degree turn and realize where he's been wrong and do everything in his power to make the relationship work.

I heard a husband on a TV reality show say, "Happy wife makes for a happy home."  That rings, true, too, but not too many men are willing to live by that law, feeling that it gives the woman card blanc to just run over him like crazy, but in a controlled situation, it can work to everyone's advantage.

If getting married means fighting about every little thing, cheating, suffering from financial problems, staying out all night, arguing left and right, spying on each other, suffering from physical and/or verbal abuse -- what's the point in getting married at all? I'd rather live alone if that were the case.