How many times have you thought, "oh, I found the perfect man!" Or, "he's just right for me!" Until you marry him, then you find out just the kind of man he is. I hear this so many times from women who whine and complain about their significant other and yet they do nothing to turn a bad situation into something managable or do the alternative...get out while the getting is good. The very fact that you may have married a man who is still living out his teenage years is clearly still immature and if there is one thing I know you can't do is teach a man how to be a man. He'll listen to everybody but the person he should be listening to...his wife. And he'll not want to live up to the rules and regulations, the terms and conditions that come with being a husband. It's like taking on a job when you marry someone who basically had an ulterior motive...find someone to take care of him while he continues to be a screw up thinking it's ok. It is just a testament to how he was brought up. Then again, some of these men have no intentions on doing the right thing regardless of how they were brought up and it just makes it more harder for women to deal with them. And then again, also, there are just women who would rather put up with a dead beat man, than to be alone.
Women can't afford to live in a la-la-fantasy state of being. They are missing the point entirely. And yet they complain about every thing he's NOT doing when the problem doesn't just lay with him, it also lays with them because they won't take a stand and do anything about it.
The other question we need to be asking is "did I make the right decision in marrying him?" I've seen what my mother went through when she lived with my father before finally divorcing him in 1973. I've seen how many times she's cried, how she's had to take me and we've had to go home to live with my grandparents because life on the home front was just unstable. How there have been women after women invading my mother's private life, and trying to be forced into being the wife of a muslim. But I think the straw that broke the camel's back was when my mother found out that he had fathered a child with another woman, and that there had been other women he'd fathered children with -- that was more than enough for him to just leave with barely the clothes on our backs and a few personal items she absolutely refused to leave.
When there are kids involved, you have to ask yourself if ruining your kids lives by staying with a man who is not going live up to his end of the bargain, or are you willing to make every sacrifice possible to ensure your children are brought up in a stable environment? Children are our next future and it makes no sense having them just to be having them, to make a man happy who really doesn't want to be there to begin with, or if his sole purpose for being there is to have a place to lay his head.
Take my brother for instance. I remember the one thing I told him when he first told me he got married was "do right by her." I guess he thought I was B.S.'ing around when I said that, but I was serious as a heart attack. He's the kind of person who can't live unless he's got a woman at every corner he can stick his meat into, and say with these women it's just sex and in the same breath say he love his wife to death and will give her the world. And then, too, her kids (by another or other man/men) are out of control because she's too busy trying to keep up with cash flow and keep up with him that she's forgotten about her responsibility as a mother and parent. I put most of the blame on my brother (on my dad's side -- we're not biologically related) because little does he realize is that when he married her, he married the kids, too, and he had a moral obligation to see to it that they grew up to become respectable young men. But how can he when the majority of the time he's out in the streets slanging his thang, and when he's not out in the streets slanging, he's in and out of bed with other women, fathering children he can't afford to take care of or has no intentions on taking care of.
This is the society we live in. Women putting up with B.S. men who would much rather be F*** up than handle their responsibility. I was in that same situation. I wanted a better life for my child so I made the conscience decision to leave. And it took me a couple more years to realize my ex-husband was just no good for us and that he was not planning on straightening up no time soon.
Women wake up. If he's not doing right by now and you've been with him an ex-amount of time, what makes you think he's every toing to straighten up? It will sometimes take leaving the one you're with in order for the reality of life to kick them in the ass.
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